First of all, I want to thank everyone who reads these blog posts, or likes them. Whatever engagement you give me, I deeply appreciate. I wanted you to know that.
Throughout my life, I’ve always felt called to write because on some level, I never felt “heard”.
As an introvert, it sometimes takes me a while to get a sentence out, or explain the extremely vivid scene from my dreams. If you ever wonder why that is, I heard/ read somewhere that it’s because introverts use their long-term memory easier than short-term, which explains why I go into the laundry room to get a drink from the secondary fridge we have (we throw a lot of parties when it’s not Covid time.) and forget why I went in there. Anyway, since it often takes me a while to formulate my answers to questions, or I feel the need to put everything into context, people get bored of “waiting for” me to “get to the point” or they think they can walk all over me because I’m quiet and non-assertive.
That’s why I write. That’s why I talk into my voice recorder. Even if I’m just speaking into a void where no one will read or hear it, at least I said it. At least I got it off my chest.
Sometimes, that’s all I need.
As you know, I have been struggling a bit with my mental health lately. It’s gotten a lot better, but I just feel drained. I have good days and bad days. But I still feel like a lot of the time, I’m drowning in a sea of ever-changing situations and problems, and routines. I don’t adjust well.
My sister tends to adjust quickly, but she also gets burned out easier.
Currently, I think the best thing for me is to not push it. I need to just learn to be. Sometimes, I need to just do what I want to do, take some time to pamper myself, or say no to things I don’t want to do. I need to set boundaries so that I won’t feel so drained.
Actually, yesterday was pretty nice, minus when Mom went and picked up Grandpa at his Memory Care facility, and completely forgot about dinner until after 6… which ended up screwing with my body’s internal time clock, making me have a lousy night’s sleep…
For context, before she left to go get him, she’d mentioned getting Skyline (a chili restaurant in Cincinnati), and I thought that either she would pick it up on the way home from getting him (it would have been an early dinner, but it may have been fine), or that she or Dad would have Grandpa here for an hour or something, and then go get dinner and bring it home. But no, that’s not what happened. Nothing can just be simple or thought out. I guess Mom waffled about whether she wanted Skyline or pizza. And she ended up deciding on pizza. But she didn’t make that decision until after 6, so by the time I got the order put in, its arrival time was 6:50, which means it’s another half hour or forty-five minutes before dinner is over, and I never eat then unless something like this happens.
I know, I am harping on something that seems inconsequential, because I mean, I got fed.
My real issue is that when it comes to my parents and the entire Grandpa situation, they tend to completely forget that there is stuff HERE that needs their attention. Stuff that I can’t do myself. Or, in the case of dinner, yes, I could fix my own dinner. I would rather do that if that means I can do it and get it over with at a decent time.
But the second other people get involved, everything is more complicated. I feel like something that could have been relatively hassle-free becomes an ordeal.
I tend to get irritated when someone makes a decision and then backtracks on it for no good reason, and then waits until the last minute to make their choice without informing the other people who still think option A is the plan, that you’ve now chosen option D. Just make the choice and move on, it’s not hard. At the end of the day, in this case, it’s just food. You can’t really make “the wrong choice”… unless you know you’re like allergic to fish or something, and you eat a shrimp salad for lunch while wearing white pants and going to the theater. That is a dumb decision.
Anyway…
Creatively speaking, I haven’t been writing a lot. But, I’ve been mulling over some projects for the future.
Cindy Says: Let's Brainstorm 