In Your Wildest Dreams
An Alternate Reality of the book: I Wish You Were Mine
Chapter 1
“Jackson, I really want to say ‘yes’ because you’re being incredibly generous here…” Mollie Carrington put a hand to her head, ashamed that it was visibly trembling.
She didn’t like to feel vulnerable, and around Jackson Burke, her ex-brother-in-law, it’d always been her stifling her feelings for the man and trying not to look for hidden messages in his words and in a smile… She’d been forcing it to the back of her mind, trying to pretend it didn’t exist at all. But it did. And it’d never gone away. Now, after his marriage to her sister had ended with an explosion and tabloids saying that he’d cheated on Madison (which Mollie doubted) and of course the accident which left him unable to play football… Mollie hadn’t seen him in eight months and he was like a shell of the man he’d been. Broken. But he was still kind. He’d always been kind to her.
But he’d just asked her to move in with him… and being that close to him would be a bad idea.
Jackson seemed to sense her nervousness and change in posture, looking mildly alarmed. “This isn’t about your sister, is it?” He asked. When he said sister his jaw clenched.
“Tell me, Molls… Please. I won’t judge you…”
She swore under her breath, taking another sip of champagne with her free hand picking up the flute.
“I won’t lie that it’s not a factor… but that’s not the real reason I’m wary.” She took a drink of her champagne, then noticed her hand still shaking. Mollie was about to use her other hand to quell it, but Jackson beat her to it. And when he touched her, a shiver of electricity surged through her. Great…she thought.
“It’s a bad idea because I don’t want to get my heart broken…”
At his confused expression, Mollie rushed to explain, tripping all over her words. “Jackson, I’ve been trying to quell it for eight freaking years… but it hasn’t worked. I’m in love with you. Sure, when you were married to Maddy, I told myself I didn’t have feelings, and refused to show them… but they were there. I told myself that it was a silly crush and I would grow up and get over it… but I didn’t. When we developed a friendship, I realized it wasn’t a crush… but I still kept it all bottled up because I’m not a homewrecker… and I care about you and my sister enough to be good. But I also knew that I’m young and that you didn’t feel that way about me… could never feel that way about me… and it was fine because you were married to my sister. I could hide behind that… but now…” she buried her face in her hands.
She didn’t look at Jackson, couldn’t.
All of a sudden, she felt a surge of panic, and rummaged through her purse, still not looking at him. Jackson still hadn’t said anything.
She got out her wallet and tried to put down her part of the bill, but Jackson gently grabbed her wrist, putting the money back in her wallet, and her wallet back in the purse. And he put the other hand, which until this moment had still been on her other hand and put it to her cheek.
“Mollie, you can’t just leave after telling me you love me and always have… if it was because I didn’t answer right away, I was processing what you told me… This is the first I’m hearing of it. And a part of me thinks it should have been obvious. And actually, as good as you were at repressing your feelings; if I replay our conversations, the glances, the excitement over gifts at Christmas and birthdays… it makes perfect sense.”
He released her wrist, running his hand through his wavy brown hair, looking troubled and maybe a little guilty. “I feel awful that you were in a one-sided love affair… with me… and I didn’t know it.”
Somehow, that statement both made Mollie feel better and worse simultaneously.
And apparently, Jackson caught onto her, and for a moment, his expression seemed lost. But then, his eyes flashed with something… and he blurted out, “I moved to New York because you were here…it wasn’t just to distance myself from Madison; even though it was a bonus…” he rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t for Oxford… it was you.”
Mollie’s mind raced, mouth dropping from shock. She stammered a bit before saying, “So, what does that mean for us and whatever we are or aren’t?”
Jackson took a sip of his drink, then blew out a troubled breath. “That I may not have realized it, but I wanted to be close to you because you make me feel alive… you are the only one who understands and cares… and even before you showed up; I wanted to see you… I wanted you… and perhaps even though nothing inappropriate would have ever happened with us while I was married… that your feelings weren’t quite so one-sided after-all..”
Her breath caught. This was her dream come true… but she should shut it down… shouldn’t she?
Mollie realized that regardless, she wasn’t going to shut it down. She didn’t want to.
Jackson must have realized that Mollie’s defenses were down and possibly known that his own were low, because he smiled kindly at her. “So, does that mean you’re gonna be my roommate?”
He stroked her cheek and she lost it. “Yes…”
“I’m glad. Even though this was a spontaneous gesture to help you- a friend… I hadn’t realized how much I wanted it until you were saying no.”
They ate dinner together, and he asked if she wanted to see her new home. There was something about the way he said that- it gave Mollie a thrill because it sounded so serious… so, well, domestic.
She tried not to get too ahead of herself, but Jackson had gone from admiring her body (before he knew she was who she was), to friendly familiarity, to something dearer… It seemed as if something shifted, as if the man she’d loved for years was realizing that she was special… and not only for all the reasons he thought before…
Jackson called for a cab and paid the bill before she could protest. Once they were in the cab, he frowned for a second, “I’m a jerk- I never asked if you had plans…”
“If I had plans, why would I have chosen to have a lingering dinner and go to your penthouse?” She asked with a smile.
Jackson look relieved. “Well then… ok.”
Once inside, his doorman observed Jackson with Mollie and a knowing smile radiated warmth all over their faces.
They knew that there was something between the two… and Mollie felt the same crackle, the energy that snapped and hummed around Jackson and herself. In the penthouse, Mollie was wowed by the impressive kitchen and living room, and he showed her his guestrooms, but hesitated, taking a breath.
“What is it? Change your mind?” Mollie sincerely hoped he hadn’t. Her heart sank in her chest.
He loosened his tie and opened the door to the Master Suite. He didn’t say anything.
“But, this is your room.” She said as she peered in, seeing the decidedly masculine bedroom.
Jackson’s breath hitched. “Mollie, I meant what I said earlier…”
Mollie’s heart skipped a beat. “You mean..?” her voice was breathy and perhaps a bit desperate.
His hazel eyes peered into her blue ones, and he smiled, stroked her cheek again, just as he’d done in the restaurant. He leaned in slightly, giving her a chance to pull away, and when she didn’t, he kissed her. Their mouths fit perfectly, and first, he was gentle with her, but quickly, Mollie could feel an intense longing and passion creeping in. And she matched it. His fingers in her hair, she parted his lips with her tongue, exploring his mouth as his slipped into her’s, doing the same. Mollie could hear him occasionally making low groans and growls whenever she got particularly frisky with her kisses. And she could hear her own cries and murmurings when he did the same. They needed to catch their breaths eventually, and when they did, Mollie could tell that he was hard from the bulge in the black dress slacks Jackson wore. He looked the slightest bit conflicted… Mollie hoped that he wasn’t thinking about her sister… but it was clear in his low, husky tone that she was the only woman on his mind when he murmured, “I want you, Mollie…”
This was all happening so fast, and as much as Mollie loved and wanted him, a small part of her was reluctant to take what he was offering… because if he wasn’t for real, she’d be heartbroken to have gotten so close to her dream only to have it snatched away.
He saw the stormy expression on her face, and for a moment, Jackson looked hurt… but then, instinctively seemed to know that she felt the same… he saw her vulnerability and instead of it cooling his ardor, Mollie noticed the slacks tighten even more in a certain area… And he made a low growling noise.
“Mollie, I’m not fooling around… I want you- yes… you’ve been staring at my arousal for a few minutes more than necessary to glean how I feel in that regard… But sex isn’t all I want. I want you in my life. Not just as an ex-sister-in-law or even a friend… I mean I want us to still consider each other friends… but you’re more to me than that. I want you to be the first thing I see every morning and the last thing at night. I want to hold you and kiss you, and make coffee runs…”
“But do you want forever? Because you’re it for me. I could date other guys, sure… but you’re the one. I’ve known it all along, even when you weren’t available and it was a bad idea to love you…”
Jackson pulled her impossibly close to him, taking her left hand in his, tracing her third finger in lazy circles. “If someone had asked me even yesterday, I would have told them to back the hell up… but now, totally. You did that.”
Her breath caught and even though Mollie had never made the first move on a man in her life, she made this one.
Mollie kissed him, seductively and looked up at his face. He caught her eyes, and grinned.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited.” He admitted.
“Why do you think that is?” Mollie murmured as he kissed along her jaw.
“Because I’ll finally be with someone who wants me to make love to them… and who understands me better than I understand myself.”
Mollie’s heart tugged. She almost wanted to ask what he meant, but she realized she already knew and asking would just spoil the moment.
And with that, she lost all composure, undoing his tie, removing it, getting him out of his suit jacket, unbuttoning his shirt.
He made a sound, and then said in an excited voice, “This is the very definition of a fantasy, Mollie… you undressing me.”
“Wait until we get to my fantasies… remember, I’ve been in this longer than you have… and I can’t help what my subconscious does while I’m asleep…” she’d now gotten him out of his shirt. She noticed the raised, jagged scar tissue on Jackson’s shoulder. “It doesn’t hurt still, does it?” she waved her hand over it as he worked the back zipper on her little red dress.
“No…” his voice was tentative, husky, and maybe slightly afraid… as if he thought she’d leave at the sight of his scar.
To prove him wrong, Mollie kissed along his neck, and over the jagged scar. “You’re alive, and that’s what matters… If this scar serves as a reminder of what you didn’t lose instead of what you did lose, then it will always be special and hot to me.”
His breath caught. The zipper was now down to her tailbone, and his hands went from her back and waist to her butt, cupping and squeezing, making Mollie gasp with pleasure.
Pretty soon, they were completely devoid of clothing.
Jackson seemed to momentarily forget about his shoulder injury and picked her up, plopping her on the bed. He was about to ask if he needed protection and she shook her head. “Pill… appointments up to date, recent…” was all she could manage.
That was all he needed, and soon they were both lost in a flurry of passion.
Mollie was surprised when he seemed to not be able to get enough of her… but what didn’t surprise her was how good it was.
And he wasn’t just taking his own pleasure, he was giving her plenty of pleasure all for herself… she repaid the favor and needless to say, they fell asleep next to each other, exhausted and sated.
But the thing which warmed her heart more than anything was that just before they’d fallen asleep, Jackson murmured that he loved her.
He wouldn’t allow her to say it back. “Plenty of time for that. Plus, I have eight years to make up for.”
Mollie tried to tell him it didn’t matter, but she knew he was aware of that already.
And as Mollie fell asleep, she smiled, feeling his strong arms around her as he spooned her to him.
The man she’d loved for almost ten years loved her back…
–
Chapter 2
Jackson Burke had seen Mollie last night in that damn little red dress and gone half mad with lust wanting to take it off, and now, he had. He woke up Saturday morning with a naked Mollie against him and he knew it was far more than simple lust…
But, it had woken him up to the fact that he felt more for Mollie Carrington than simple friendship… and in the light of day, he found that he loved this woman more than he ever thought possible. Even though he hadn’t realized his feelings until last night; Jackson could admit to himself that his feelings for Mollie were becoming overwhelming… but in the best possible way. He didn’t want to wake her since it was nearly seven and he knew she usually didn’t wake up on Saturday until about nine… but her pretty neck was right there and begging to be kissed. He saw her stir, and a faint smile light up her face.
And Mollie woke up, completely aware of where she was and who she was with. She first took his hand and brought it to her lips, kissing gently, then rolled over to face him, either not noticing, or not caring that it’d revealed her breasts.
She looked at him with want, but a little hesitancy clouded her features.
“What?” Jackson murmured into her hair.
“Weird question, but are there like mints or gum anywhere around here? I am a bit self-conscious about my breath in the morning.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, sure.” And reached to the nightstand closest to him, pulling out some mints giving her one, shrugging, and taking one for himself.
After the mints were gone, she wasted no time kissing him. Surprisingly, she seemed to be in an amazingly frisky state this early morning and pushed his left shoulder onto the mattress so he was on his back. Mollie crawled out from underneath the covers and mounted him.
He cursed and groaned in appreciation as she began to work. He usually took a while to get to the place where he’d come undone… but not this time… not with this woman. He cursed as he felt the sweet agony come upon him. And then, she was right behind him as if bringing him there gave her pleasure, which he suspected was the case.
They spent the rest of the weekend together, mostly in bed, but they also binged on reruns, ordered take out, and made a call to a moving company to start moving Mollie’s things into the penthouse.
Since all Mollie had with her were the clothes she’d been wearing, and the little clutch with her essentials, she spent the bulk of the weekend in Jackson’s over-sized t-shirts and boxers, which gave him a thrill he couldn’t explain if he tried. He didn’t want her to leave and knew that since she didn’t even have a comb or toothbrush with her, it would be hard to leave even if she wanted to, which she evidently didn’t. Early Saturday morning, he’d asked Mollie what essentials she needed which could be bought at a grocery store… She stifled a giggle and teased him about not wanting her to leave.
Jackson didn’t mind at all. He kissed her tenderly, and she told him everything she needed. It wasn’t much. She needed a comb, brush, body lotion, toothbrush, eyeliner, and deodorant.
She also bit her lip and asked if it would be possible to get on Amazon and order some simple undergarments.
“Of course. As hot as you look wearing my clothes, they are very big on you.”
She laughed and sat on his lap at the desk Jackson had in one of the guest bedrooms which he usually used as an office. The feeling of her perfect, tight little ass on his thighs made his cock stir, and as she was clicking through the site to find what she needed, she noticed the movement beneath her. Mollie chuckled slightly, but quickly, it turned to a moan. “Good gracious!” her breath came fast and even though he was mostly looking at her back, Jackson could tell her cheeks were flushed. Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore, and once she’d hit the quickest shipping option, she looked at him, blue eyes hazy with desire, and said, “I’m yours. Take me.” Even though she didn’t say it aloud, Jackson heard the tone she’d said it with… and that tone was telling him that she was wanting him to do what he liked with her… that she was willing to try things.
His breath caught. Jackson didn’t relish the fact that Mollie was his ex-wife’s sister, or that he’d been married at all before being with Mollie…
He’d realized that if he were to be completely honest with himself, Mollie was the Carrington sister he should have married. Of course, she was seven years his junior and he would have had to meet her or wait for her when she was older than eighteen in order to be with her… but that didn’t make it any less true that she was the one for him. It had nothing to do with what she’d just said, the license she’d given him… Jackson wasn’t that kind of guy… While he liked to have fun, particularly in the bedroom; and he liked women to want to occasionally want to try something a little spicy… he would never force them. And he also wouldn’t make them feel bad or dump them for not trying things. But one thing that had always hurt about sex with his ex-wife when they were married was that Madison wanted to be treated like a princess. Everything was so delicate and he always felt like she didn’t really want him. Not because of her dainty approach necessarily… but because she would act disinterested. Only when she was half drunk on white wine would she allow and semblance of passion… and when she was in that state, it was as if she didn’t care that he was the one kissing her, making love to her… it could have been anyone… and he realized early on that Maddy was stepping out on him, actually enjoying herself. It nearly destroyed him inside.
But Mollie, she knew him so well… it was like they were made for each other. And he knew when he was kissing her that she knew who was doing it. She saw him, felt him, wanted him. And she responded to every touch.
Jackson took her up on her offer and was surprised for about ten seconds how much she enjoyed what he did. For being a nerdy, awkward girl in her teens and early twenties, Mollie had grown into a beautiful, sexy, confident woman. Sometimes, her confidence surprised him, but only because Jackson knew the way Madison treated Mollie… subtle digs, manipulation, exasperation, resentment… they were all a part of her grab bag of disdain… Of course, Jackson knew Mollie well enough to know that she wasn’t immune to insecurity or gaps in confidence; but Mollie knew what she wanted in life and she worked hard for it. She also knew what she wanted in love. For years, she had no choice but to bury her feelings because he was married to her sister… but her love never wavered. And she’d been the best friend she could possibly be. Now though, he wasn’t married and Mollie was tired of taking Madison’s slights and her bull. She’d gone for it with him and he respected the hell out of that.
Jackson knew instinctively that Mollie was happy, even if he would pretend to be blind in order to not see the smiles on her face. And she wasn’t merely happy, she was contented and completely at home with him. Even with almost none of her belongings with her, she felt safe and calm, and serene.
Jackson decided that it would be a good thing to get her something to wear to her apartment, so he decided to pick her out something while she was in the shower. He knew her size because her dress was there… Plus, she hadn’t changed all that much since she’d crashed in his and Maddy’s guest house the year before grad school.
Well, her size hadn’t changed much… and her personality definitely hadn’t… but she’d gotten a hot hotter… the makeover Kim apparently gave her had done wonders even though he’d always thought she was pretty. Now, none of his feelings for Mollie were inappropriate; but that didn’t mean he didn’t notice…
When the clothing arrived at the door, just after the delivery of the undergarments she’d ordered, Mollie was surprised, but her face lit up when she saw the emerald green, off-the-shoulder dress he’d picked. When she tried it on and it fit like a glove, she squealed in excitement, and wrapped him into a warm hug. “You didn’t have to do this, but I love you even more for it.”
He was a little puzzled, but she smiled. “I know it’s a dress… and you were probably trying to save me from doing a walk of shame… but you got my size exactly right… you knew to get a dress with the same silhouette… and you picked a color that would look good on me…” she tilted her head a little, obviously trying to summarize for him the point of what she was saying. “It’s not just about the dress, Jackson… but the dress is a symbol. You know me better than anyone. You know the real me. And that makes me happy.”
“I do know you, Mollie. And I know you know me just as well. When you walked into the restaurant that night, you knew I wasn’t fine… and you never treated me like the philandering bastard the media made me out to be… even though I’m almost ninety-nine percent certain your sister told you I cheated.”
Mollie nodded. “She did. Even if it had been true though- I would have still been there for you. We both know that Maddy wasn’t faithful… but I never thought you were that kind of guy and I’m pleased about it- obviously.”
He smiled, kissing the top of her head. “Don’t worry, Molls… you’re good and stuck with me.”
–
Chapter 3
Mollie walked into her apartment late Sunday night, nose crinkling at the smell of Austin’s cabbage. She packed a bag with clothes, and some of her other beauty products. She told Austin that night that she was going to move out and that the movers would be there at some point during the week.
He just shrugged.
Mollie didn’t have the energy to argue with him or even to care.
And with that, she headed back over to the penthouse which was to be her new address, and the man who’d given her the best weekend of her life.
–
Jackson couldn’t help his high energy level Monday morning, even though Sunday night after Mollie returned to him, they hadn’t gone to sleep until well after midnight… something had occurred to him during the time he’d spent with Mollie over the weekend. He realized that perhaps the accident was just a crossroads… the path he’d been on was fine, but it didn’t have Mollie… except as a friend.
It was amazing how quickly his dreams and wants changed.
But when he arrived in the Oxford office, he brought an Americano for Jo, Oxford’s receptionist. She looked shocked.
Then, he made the decision to start making friends. His boss, Alex Cassidy saw the chipper expression and that Jackson left his door open for once, and took the opportunity to poke his head in.
“You’re different today, Burke… what’s the deal?”
“Well, boss- I had an excellent weekend. The kind that damn well almost makes all the shit of the past year disappear. And it was the kind of weekend I needed to finally settle in and stop being a grumpy old man with a chip on his shoulder- literally.”
Cassidy looked pleased, but also curious and sincerely baffled. “You’re like a different person.”
“Well, other than the football thing… this is what I was usually like- in the days before I realized that the woman I thought I married wasn’t real…” Jackson said, managing to only sound the slightest bit bitter.
Cassidy looked intrigued. “So, I’m guessing that your weekend involved a special someone.”
Jackson tilted his head. “Why do you care so much, boss?” it sounded sterner than he meant it to, but he couldn’t help the grin that tugged on his mouth.
“Because you’re, well, pleasant… and happy. You must have gotten laid and fallen in love all in one weekend.”
Perceptive… Jackson thought.
“Bingo.” He said, smiling, and taking his laptop out of its case, plugging it into its docking station.
“Did you just meet this girl?”
“No, actually. But it was both like she was an old friend, and also a beautiful, sexy stranger… she recently let her friend give her a makeover, apparently, and damn! It works for her.”
“I gotta ask- how do you know her? I mean, she’s someone from your past…”
“Well, this is going to sound insane and perhaps a little bad on my part, but it isn’t what it sounds…” Jackson ran his hand over his face nervously.
“Ok?” Cassidy looked confused, but he wasn’t judging.
“Ex-sister-in-law… Mollie. The most forbidden woman on the planet… but I’d innocently offered her a place to move to since her current apartment and roommate are awful… and at first, she said no, and when I asked why, she admitted that she didn’t think it was a good idea because she had feelings for me…” Jackson explained the rest of the story too.
Cassidy sat there in stunned silence until Jackson stopped talking.
“So, the media had it all wrong, I’m guessing.” Cassidy said it matter-of-factly, which made the lump which formed immediately in Jackson’s gut whenever Madison, his divorce, or the tabloids were mentioned in conversation disappeared.
“Yeah… I never once cheated on Madison. Never tried. Never wanted to… even when I knew she was fucking half the people in Houston…” he blew out a breath. “And just in case you’re wondering, Mollie and I treated each other like friends, which we were… no line was ever crossed even though she had those feelings. Of course, now I look back on those moments and I wonder how I didn’t see it… but it’s better that way… I just know that if I could go back and redo a part of my life, I wouldn’t have married Madison at all… and I would have waited for Mollie because she’s the person I belong with… but of course, I can’t go back and redo it… so I’m going to make lemonade with those lemons.”
Cassidy grinned a little. “Well, you saved yourself a lecture, Burke. I was going to tell you to try to make friends and stop being a diva… but now I don’t have to. Thanks… and by the way, I’m happy for you. Hopefully I get to meet Mollie. I’m sure everyone else will want to meet her too.”
“Sure, Mollie wants me to make friends… and she is always down to make new friends of her own.”
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